The Smokers' Sprint

In keeping with the season of the Olympics (but without the Communist overtones) I wanted to talk freely and without State censorship about a potential future Olympic sport. This sport, however, could be populated with the less fit among us, at least in terms of respiratory function. Of course, I'm speaking of what I call the smokers' sprint.

You've all seen it, I'm sure. Watch as the smoker approaches the door of an office building to exit on their smoke break. In my observation the really good smoker has the cigarette in their mouth AND lit before both feet are out the door. Truly, this takes both great skill and practice. Think about it. You have to position your hands on both the box of cigarettes and the lighter as you approach the door. Then a few steps before the door you shake a cigarette out of the package (a skill in itself) and put it in your mouth. Then, while pocketing your pack of cigarettes and as your hand hits the handle to the door you raise the lighter to your mouth, cupping the tip of the cigarette from any wide resistance and initiate lighting as soon as your first foot hits the outside. Then by the time your second foot hits outside the cigarette is lit and you can begin with the carcinogenic imbibing. Can't you imagine smokers from around the world lined up in office chairs who, at the sound of a small gun leap to motion toward the awaiting door. I'd pay to see that! I'd put my money on the folks from western Asia.

Be on the lookout for this practice. It's quite amusing.